Blackness and Self-Esteem

Hey everyone!

I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourselves today. I'm going to be talking about a topic that I feel is really important, especially for Black women. And that.. is the importance of self-esteem.

Let me backtrack real quick and explain why this concept of self-esteem came to mind when I was thinking about writing my next blog post. If I'm going to be completely honest, this summer has been a super hard transitional period for me. I've experienced a lot of loneliness, a lot of imposter syndrome, a lot of self-doubt, a lack of confidence, and just general anxiety about this point in my life. I decided after my graduation trip that I was committed to my healing girl era. My healing girl era was defined by me saying no to things that did not serve me, spending more time alone, being content with being alone, working on my goals, and taking care of my body and my mind, amongst other things. yet, throughout this healing journey, while I feel as though I've grown in some aspects, I feel like there's always been this core issue that can't be masked by my skincare routine or a therapy session or a hype-up FaceTime call With friends. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. Finally, it was one day when I was sitting in bed scrolling through Instagram comparing myself to everyone traveling the world or getting their dream job or attaining the goals that I've always wanted that I began to ask myself

What is truly going to make me feel fulfilled?”

I began scouring the internet for recommendations on how the heck I was going to address this issue and the book Rock My Soul: Black People and Self-Esteem by bell hooks came across my radar and I instantly ordered it. Now let me tell you, there are so many things that bell hooks has brought to light through this novel that I've never quite been able to articulate as coherently as she has. Hooks dives deep into a plethora of themes and ideas that pertain, directly or indirectly, to Blackness and self-esteem. From addiction to salvation to integrity to historical segregation to gender dynamics, Hooks uses this novel to analyze racial and gender dynamics from an intersectional lens and to provide a sense of relatability to struggles that have become commonplace for Black folk. As a Black woman, there are a lot of dynamics, structures, norms, conceptions, and general struggles that we have to face that are truly rooted in this idea of self-esteem. I wanted to share with you all some of the things that I learned through reading this book and how they've changed my perspective on moving about through my healing journey.

Firstly, I appreciate how hooks looks explicitly at dynamics within educational systems and how issues of self-esteem (or lack thereof) originate from the era of desegregation and persist into modern institutions of learning. As a former student and woman of color at a predominantly white prestigious institution, I had a relatively unique experience navigating that space., and empathized a lot with hook’s experience as a student and professor.

hooks’ analysis of racial and intellectual issues within predominantly white institutions really resonates with me, and hopefully some of you as well. Unfortunately, a lot of these institutions don't necessarily care about their Black population, only for the sake of diversity quotas, and especially with the recent ruling on race-based affirmative action, it is even more clear that our country continues to find ways to restrict Black people from opportunities, and therefore inflicting harm on their futures and their overall self-esteem.

An interesting point that hooks draws on is that there is more conflict rooted in the collective absence of self-esteem that impacts the way Black men, Black women, and Black queer folks rather than across different racial groups such as white folks.

“Both groups, Black men and Black women had struggled to develop healthy self-esteem in a culture where the required standards for general rules, established by institutionalized patriarchy, were already way out of reach” (123).

Yet, the emasculation that Black men feel as a result of white supremacist structures and norms in our modern society makes it easy for Black men to justify subordinating Black women for the sake of boosting their own self-esteem. In reality, internalized conflict and self-sabotage are unproductive and unjust. We see violence and abuse against women by Black men to be a form of reclaiming their masculinity and their power, rather than a contradictory force against Black liberation.

“Black females are often psychologically stuck in a state of self-doubt about their family, unity, and desirability (hooks 129)”.

As a result of this state of self-doubt, Black women tend to have wounded self-esteem that affects their ability to advocate for themselves without fear of violence or disrespect. hooks deems it imperative that we as a Black community truly consider how our intra-racial dynamics fuel white supremacist narratives about Black inferiority and continue to support messages that leave Black people vulnerable to a system that continuously tells them they're not good enough.

Hooks says that “… many of these students at Ivy League schools were coming from materially privileged homes where they were loved and cared for, yet education in an unenlightened, predominantly, white context had engendered in them a fear of not being worthy” (hooks 160)

She goes on to discuss how Black folks in the post-era of reconstruction, who were used to excelling and having space and opportunities in all-Black schools, were now forced to adjust to White dominated educational environments that were unfamiliar and unwelcoming. This tokenization of the few black folks in the class who were worthy of going to these white schools also led to more competition within the black community and a false sense of isolation. She continues to disclose that she felt overwhelming feelings of fear when entering desegregated schools, and the only way that she could survive that was knowing that at the end of the day, she was free to go back to where she felt most comfortable which was her home. These dynamics start early on in primary school all the way until college, which fuels a lot of mental health challenges that adolescents face in these particular environments. Phenomena such as imposter syndrome, depression, overworking or underworking, substance abuse, anxiety, etc can all be traced back to self-esteem and self-love.

Hooks claims that, “the assumption that African-American overachievers have positive self-esteem is so deeply implanted in the minds of most people that is difficult for us to identify the problem successful folks may face with self-concept or self-regard” (hooks 16).

This quote hit, y'all. I have always put so much pressure on myself to overachieve and to do everything perfectly and please everyone, but that is honestly a problem to a lifetime field of feeling and being told that I'm not worthy of being in spaces, especially in white elitist ones.

A lot of hooks' main points all lead back to this idea of shame. it's so sad to see how we as black folks feel a sense of shame and unworthiness simply for existing and living Our Lives apart from the white norms.

“Shame is by no means confined to just one time of life. During each successive, unfolding phase of development, from childhood and adolescence to adulthood and old age, they're distinctive sources of shame. It is ever present in our lives, however masked it may be. This emotion is also passed from each generation to the next” (hooks 37).

Until we begin to address and dismantle this feeling of shame, the underlying lack of self-esteem will continue to be present and have a lasting impact on the way that we show up for ourselves and others, both within the black community and across all populations. having or feeling shame leads to a lack of self-respect, and as someone who has deep-rooted people-pleasing tendencies as a result of never feeling worthy enough, I've now dedicated a part of my healing journey toward nurturing my inner child who still feels shameful or shunned for being who I am. I suggest that any of you who feel the same way do exercises such as writing a letter to your inner child or even daily Affirmations reaffirming your inner child to help tend to those wounds that may still be below the surface. How We Heal by Alexandra Elle is a great resource for those starting their healing journey.

hooks is making me realize that a lot of this is just the way that I was socially conditioned and that I don't need to prove my worth to anyone. Seeking my worth and seeking esteem and validation from external sources is never going to make me truly happy and the sooner that I realize that the better off I will be in my healing journey and just my life.

That is all that I have for you guys today. I hope that something resonated with you, or if it didn't, that this allowed you to reflect on your self-esteem and self-love experience. If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it and will link it at the end of this post. If you take away one thing from this piece it is true confidence and true love can only come from within yourself. Although it’s not easy, and although there are systematic barriers that make it especially difficult for Black people to experience genuine self-esteem and self-love, it is possible. Taking the time and space to appreciate yourself where you are in this moment is the best thing that you can do. You only have one body and one life, so try your best to live intentionally and presently with love for yourself and others.

Cheers,

Syd