Breakup Advice that No One Asked For
Hey Bodacious Black Girlies!
Happy Sunday. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and treating yourself to whatever your mind and body need today.
I decided to come on here and talk about a subject that I feel we can all relate to in some way shape or form. And that… is the topic of breakups.
As someone who is knee-deep in the healing process as a result of a recent breakup, I understand how difficult it is to navigate this period of transition. Especially having just graduated college, moved across the country back home, and started my first big girl job, I’ve found it extremely difficult to find healthy ways to cope with an abundance of change happening at once, especially with a partnership ending abruptly.
Whether this was a long-term relationship, situationship, or even a friendship, any form of the breakup is tasking on the mind, body, and central nervous system. It is completely normal to be feeling uneasy during something like this.
Anyway, here are a few things that helped me heal and process my breakup over the past few months<3
The No-Contact Rule does WONDERS… trust me
Coming out of a relationship or even a friend, you form a neurochemical attachment (Attachment Style Quiz HERE) that is reinforced by constant communication, Whether you know it or not, that text message you receive from your ex will illicit an instant dopamine response, which will temporarily satisfy you and make us feel relieved as if the breakup still didn’t just have you sobbing to the Taco Bell drive-thru man 20 minutes before (too real). Keeping in contact makes it more difficult for your brain to rebuild new neurological pathways that will allow you to feel less entangled in this once-strong physical and emotional attachment. Thus, the best thing I did was to avoid any contact with my ex after we officially ended things. This was EXTREMELY difficult at first, as someone who has an extremely anxious attachment style. However, blocking this person made it so much easier to focus my energy on myself, and not be tempted to resort back to something/someone who was no longer serving me. Easier said than done, but eventually, you will have to stop regularly talking with your ex-partner so the sooner the better in my opinion.
Take this time to be with good company. Isolation is good only temporarily.
Lean on family members, friends, and therapists. It’s ok to not be ok, and these people who love and support you will understand best how to do so if you communicate with them.
Take care of your body in a natural way
Try to step outside! Scientists say that increased levels of Vitamin D help with feelings of depression, anxiety, or loneliness.
Nutrient-rich foods such as eggs, cheese, and fruits provide increased 5-HTP levels, with are shown to improve your mood. Obviously, go thru the tubs of ice cream and In-N-Out phase, do you girl! Just be mindful that foods like ice cream and fast food are processed and will only provide instant dopamine, and will later leave you feeling not as energized
Other natural supplements such as Vitamin D and Vitamin B12 Omega 3 and Fatty Acids
Stay active!
It’s ok to sit in bed and veg for the first week or so. Sometimes directing your energy to your mental health in the early stages is super necessary. However, after a few days, I found it helpful to go outside and move my body! Whether it was a HGW around my neighborhood, an intense kickboxing class to let out some anger, or a relaxing hot yoga fusion class, I found that these activities helped me relax and channel my physical and emotional stress elsewhere. From a scientific standpoint, moving your body facilitates the release of endorphins that can counteract feelings of depression or anxiety.
Ground yourself in routine
I was a mess after my breakup because this happened while I was traveling on my post-grad trip and had absolutely no sense of stability which made everything 10 times harder. Doing consistent things allows your brain to focus on the tasks that made you feel good before the breakup, and provides a little bit of distraction. Even small things like making a to-do list, doing your skincare/nighttime routine, reading 10 pages a day of a certain book, committing to a workout class, or starting a new hobby can be beneficial.
Meditation, Therapy, and Journaling
Journaling, Meditation, and Therapy were extremely useful tools that allowed me to process the breakup. Oftentimes, when we’re going through a breakup, we tend to think about the past or the future; the what ifs and the buts, the beginnings and ends etc that can make you spiral into an incorrect perception of the past or future. However, I found that meditation has been a successful way to help me stay in the present moment when I find myself replaying scenarios over and over again. It also gives me the space to be comfortable in my own skin and my own thoughts. Journaling has also been one of those healthy tools That I really recommend if you’re struggling with acceptance break up. Whether it’s following journal prompts or simply writing about your emotions or the logistics of your day, I think that journaling can be beneficial if you allow it. Writing is often a scary task for many, but journaling helps me redefine success apart from traditional academic writing. Studies show that not only can journaling help with mindfulness and boosting mood, but can actually heal wounds over time, both physical and emotional……
Therapy has also been the pinnacle of my healing journey. As someone who has been going to cognitive behavioral therapy since I was 14, my relationship with Therapy has always been one that has been a constant in my life. Therapy for me provides an outlet able to see the external patterns and trauma responses in attachment styles that may be associated with my relationships or my mental health struggles. It also allows me to have a third-person perspective on events that are happening in my life, and have a safe space to talk about them. Research shows… If you or a loved one are considering therapy, but are having trouble accessing therapy resources, I will link some helpful resources below for free and or insurance-covered therapy providers by ZIP Code.
Breakups are hard; there is no cookie-cutter answer or the best way to cope during this process. However, it is important to be very intentional and intuitive with what kind of energy you are consuming, giving, and receiving. Breakups are always meant to teach us some sort of lesson; whether it’s about ourselves, the way we approach relationships, or just meeting past demons head-on. It is important that we are patient with ourselves and being kind to our bodies and our minds during this period of transition. One thought that keeps me grounded is that the universe meant for this to happen exactly when it did, and did so so that you can meet someone to treat you exactly the way that you deserve and more. well the timing never feels right, have faith, that something, bigger and better is coming your way, sis! We’re going to get through this together and come out the other side of it better than ever. Sending lots of love, and good vibes your way.
